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TUFACE SYNDROME

Published April 21, 2013 by mandi2ude

Glamzers, I haven’t written in a while, I guess I have been in a funk and it’s such a blur right now,(sue me) fyi I have the right to be in a world of my own and when am in my own personal space, ideas, thoughts, conclusions and stuff run through me. It runs so fast that it leaves me in a daze.

TuFace, 2Face, 2Baba, African legend, A guy with a golden voice, A guy with an original african blend, A guy who can make very beautiful noise without instrumentals,A guy most people jokingly say that his shadow can leave a whole village of women pregnant.*surprised face*. Last month was all about tubaba, blogs, newspapers, twitter, facebook, bbm were all agog with the news, “TUFACE IDIBIA GETS MARRIED TO HIS HEARTHROB,ANNIE MACAULAY” it was a fairy tale, a beautiful love story.

According to some people, a girl who stays with you while you impregnate your whole harem deserves to be the one, some others think she was just too desperate and tuface decided to wife her, others feel tuface just married her out of self pity because she remained loyal to him when others would have kicked him out. Well here is my own theory, there is a difference between what a man wants and what a man needs. Annie stayed loyal to him, she has been with him for like ever, she watched him grow from Innocent Ujah Idibia to Tuface Idibia. She met him when he as nothing and stayed on till he became something.

Most of his other baby mamas were attracted to tuface and maybe not to Innocent. They were after what he was and not what he is. Every man has tons of girls around him, Ŋ☺ man has just one girlfriend, they keep tons of girls because they wanna keep their options open. They browse through each and everyone of these girls especially when the time to settle down approaches.

I spoke with a male friend of mine and he shed a lot of light on it, he is a pharmacist and he told me that back in the days when he just started out as a marketer for his company, the first thing he received was a brand new car and a stipend of 200 thousand, these was just an incentive for him to work hard and meet up with his target. That was the biggest amount of money he had ever laid his hands on. With that amount of money and a new cool sleek ride, he had his pick of any girl he wanted;Fyi he had a girlfriend while he was doing all these. The girls were always around, ready to do anything for him. But like a player you get tired after a while, the game gets old and you start looking for stability, companionship, a wife, a friend, a sister and your own family. That’s when the hard choice comes.

He told me that at a time he got tired and he wanted to settle down. He evaluated all the girls around him, they were all the same. The ones meant for parties, the ones he spent weekends with, the ones he paid their rents and the ones he paid their school fees.. They all collected something from him and never gave anything, there was Ŋ☺ one to ask him, babe how was your day? what are your challenges? did you meet your target? have you eaten? Aww, you are ill, lemme come over and cook for you.

That’s what a man needs. He wants sex and sex and more sex. But he needs love, attention and TLC. When all the girls around him failed woefully and only his school girlfriend passed the test, what do you think happened? He crawled back to her and today they are in a lovey dovey kingdom of happily ever after. What do you think happened to Tuface, Annie, Sunmbo and Pero. Is it possible that tuface evaluated all the girls around him and only Annie could stand the test of time? She may be tacky according to some people, she may not measure up, she is hardly a fashionista, she is hardly the most beautiful woman on earth but she won a game that many Vera Wang clad, christian louboutin clad foot entered into. She won the heart of the man most girls want,(apart from me) and you wanna know how she did it. You think she jazzed him up? Trapped him? Nah, she gave him what he needs and a lil of what he wants. Everyman is suffering from the “TUFACE SYNDROME”

What Else, Locked Down Tight Yo!!

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BAD SEX

Published February 21, 2013 by mandi2ude

According †̥☺ Amanda’s Advanced Dictionary, Good Sex is that toe curling, satisfying smile/laughter a man or a woman feels after a good bout of good loving.

I know, I know, most of y’all are wondering what this madt girl wants †̥☺ say. ˚☺k°.. Wait for it… Wait for it…. Wait for it…. BAD SEX! BAD SEX!! BAD SEX!!! It’s not bazaar sales people. Bad sex has been the ultimate deal breaker since the dawn of light. It has ruined so many marriages, relationships and friendships. The only thing worse than a bad wife/ husband is bad sex.

How many times have you heard ‘ I broke up with him/her cos she/he is bad in bed. You think it’s a joke. You don’t know marriages have crashed over this. Sex is serious business, it’s like studying for SAT’s, Degrees, Doctorates and all. You gotta study your partner and know what works with them.

You start from the kissing and work your way down, a man who chews your lips like it’s kpomo will definitely be bad in bed. Come on, it’s my lips and yet you chew it like you haven’t eaten in days.

Some men misplace Hickie as love making, they feel that the more they chew and bite the more you scream and the more their egos inflate. Here is the deal, sexual compatibility, study your partner carefully and find out if bondage and torture sex works for her, that’s the only way you can get away with hickie.

Most girls want the vanilla sex, everything thrown in together. They want a man and a porn star at the same time. One minute you are all manly dishing out directions and the next minute you are whispering sweet nonsense into her ears. That’s the deal yo.

When there is Ŋ☺ foreplay and you just mount her like you mount a stallion and you expect an oscar award for the world’s best lover*smh*. Foreplay is like preparing for an exam, you study every line, read in between the line, peruse the chapters and start intensive study, sex is the exam that lasts for an hour-2 while the foreplay lasted days.

When a man/woman isn’t at the peak of their game, once they can’t satisfy their partner intensively, then the aim has been defeated. So like I say, if he isn’t good then he isn’t worth keeping cos seriously, Ŋ☺ matter how much you like a guy if he isn’t good there then you really don’t have anything †̥☺ look forward †̥☺ .
SAVE A LIFE TODAY. HAVE GOOD SEX*WINKS*

What Else, Locked Down Tight Yo!!

Side Chic

Published February 21, 2013 by mandi2ude

Am sorry am posting this after valentine, but Ŋ☺ worries. That valentine was just a week today won’t deter me from posting this new eye opener. Everyday is valentine if you are in a relationship, there is still the occasional sex, gifts, calls, texts and vacays. No one should stay in a bad relationship, it’s just like bad sex. You have †̥☺ do away with any guy that isn’t in love with you or any guy you have bad sex with, quote me anywhere, you don’t wanna be having bad sex for the rest of your life.
So most chics are side kicks and they don’t even know it, you haven’t noticed it and you prolly don’t know but why will you have a friend like me and I won’t tell you how †̥☺ spot the signs that tells you as a side chic. Well, get a pad and pen. Let’s go.

Signs That You Are A Side Chic.
Labeling: babes, Men love labeling their stuff, they guard their territory jealously, they brand all their cars, clothes and even their women. Hi; these is Amanda, My “girlfriend” not hi, these is Amanda. Amanda what? Amanda your sister? Your cousin? Your bed mate? When your boyfriend goes out with you and he doesn’t label you a girlfriend or whatever you are †̥☺ him, sweetie you don’t need sango †̥☺ tell you that it’s been.

Weekend Trips: so we know that our men like †̥☺ work so that they can provide the essentials for us, we need new weaves, new shoes, clothes, vacays and the works but you will be damned if he works weekends too. You call him monday †̥☺ friday morning and by friday evening his phone is conveniently off, he doesn’t call back till sunday night or early monday morning, sweetie, side chic na your name. He is obviously frolicking with number one babe while you wait and kill yourself for him. And only conclude when this has occurred more than thrice. It’s not a coincidence.

Night Muttering: We all love †̥☺ call our men at night, you know catch up and know how their day went and also let them into ours. You call your man by 11pm when you feel he is settled and all, you dial his number and it rings all 3 times and he doesn’t pick and on the fourth ring, he picks and mutters, lemme call you back. He drops almost immediately, he does that almost every night you call him but he is very loud in the mornings when you call him. If you notice this then I suggest you leave the guy in question cos he is obviously at home with the main babe and your calls are disturbing him.

Forming seriousness: we all like †̥☺ have that talk with our men especially if the relationship is heading leaning 1yr, some months and so on, you both are seated on the couch and you are resting your leg on his laps while he rubs it, and you feel the atmosphere is conducive enough then you raise the question. Babe, what are we doing, where is this relationship headed, what are your short term goals and all. You know those kind of questions that you ask and you want him †̥☺ reassure you that you are on the right track. All of a sudden he starts forming busy, he becomes agitated, he feels trapped, he throws your leg apart and scratches his head or look at you like he is seeing you for the first time. Sweetie, you are a side chic.

I am really sorry if you have noticed any of these signs but incase there are more that I didn’t mention hit me up @ cremedelacremee@yahoo.com

What Else, Locked Down Tight Yo!!

The Tale Of An Uyo Virgin.

Published February 18, 2013 by mandi2ude

I traveled recently †̥☺ a land of soups, you are still not catching my drift! The land of promise! Godswill Akpabio! ˚☺k°, now you know. I traveled †̥☺ Uyo †̥☺ visit my friends and I must say it was a blast.

I left makurdi on a wednesday and †̥☺ my utmost surprise benue links Makurdi have just one bus that plys the Makurdi †̥☺ Uyo route and I was told †̥☺ come the next day but I couldn’t postpone my journey so I decided †̥☺ catch a bus †̥☺ enugu and then connect †̥☺ uyo. It was a long journey tho cos I spent 10 hours sitting down*phew* Ŋ☺ wonder my ass is flatter (crying), well I left makurdi and got †̥☺ enugu by 4pm, got a bus †̥☺ uyo and landed there by 11pm.

I was so hungry I could eat a cow, I didn’t even know where I was going †̥☺ , I could get lost, I was a strange land and my phones were almost off, my dad always warned me bout my nonchalant attitude. I passed obot akara, mind the t cos it’s silent, I hit ikot ekpene but they indigenes pronounce it as ikorekpene, my next stop was uyo, yaay. I was dropped off at the aktc park and I called my friend and she told me †̥☺ pick a cab and come †̥☺ somewhere that sounded like Wine Bar, actually it’s Nwaniba. I was surprised, how can she be living in a wine bar, I hailed a cab man and the first tin he asked me is ‘Abadie’ I stared at him for some seconds cos I didn’t understand a thing.

I told him where I was headed and he smiled and told me my charge, I gladly entered the cab and my journey †̥☺ wine bar(Nwaniba) started. The roads are tarred, street lights everywhere, the streets are so alive with human beings, meat sellers and their goods of roasted chicken and ripe plantain and sauce, keke napeps on the roads and other commercial vehicles. I got †̥☺ my destination in one piece and my friend came out †̥☺ get me.

As a JJC, I looked around in awe cos it was an experience. I love the water fountain that kept pumping water in different shades. The next day being thursday, I was taken †̥☺ a place called tropicana were I watched a movie at an amazing rate of 250 Naira, jeez, where does that happen? Only in Uyo I tell you, I watched the new romantic Comedy flower girl and after which my girlfriend who was celebrating her passing out took me †̥☺ Amazon restaurant and there I encountered night life at it’s fullest, men were seated with the wives and kids and they were celebrating valentine as a family, I think uyo men are huge romantics, don’t ask me how I know tho. We hopped †̥☺ kastruphid from there and we really had a blast. On friday I was all done up and we hit the clubs †̥☺ celebrate hard style, Monty suites is incredible and the club is the ish, I literally danced my shoe sole off. Literally.

On a sunday we visited a fast food place called Sammie’s and I had a hard choice of choosing which soup †̥☺ eat, there was Afang Soup, Edikaikong, Atama Soup, Fisherman Soup, White Soup, ekpankuko. I settled for edika cos it had the most road blocks and It looked delish and after which I watched another movie named English Vinglish. I was loving every bit of it, we hit kastruphid again and we had fun. I passed places like Oron Road, Ewet housing, Housing, Plaza, Central stores, powercity church.

Monday was my last day in uyo and I really wanted †̥☺ sample the local cuisine again so I was taken †̥☺ a place called Mama Put and there I had everything local, FYI ‘Abadie’ means how are you and your reply should be ‘Edeokong’. Which means am fine (I hope I nailed it) if I didn’t pls disregard. Suffice †̥☺ say Uyo is the place †̥☺ be and I had fun cos of the friends that I have and †̥☺ that I say Chidera Olivia Orji and Ezinne Chukwu, thanks for making it worthwhile. I love you guys scarrer and †̥☺ bits. They made uyo a place †̥☺ visit. Look forward †̥☺ visiting the place.

Valentine: A Trip To Wet Heaven

Published February 8, 2013 by mandi2ude

Yaaaay, season of love, I love this season because I love †̥☺ love. It’s a season most girls dream of having it made, when most chics look forward †̥☺ enriching themselves physically, emotionally and financially, they look forward †̥☺ exotic meals, surprises, trips and what have you. And in a case were you don’t do it there is trouble. Guys a piece of advice †̥☺ you all, if you can’t afford †̥☺ buy a girl something on that day then Ŋ☺ one will hold you accountable. If a girl breaks up with you on that day then rejoice my brada, God has just saved you and most especially they believe that this is the season where they find out if they are their boos boo or if their le boo is someone else’s le boo. Side chic or not am rooting for all of ya.

The guys are not left out too, they believe that they are gonna hit some free booty on that day and believe it or not check if they are also their babe’s le boo. What am I saying? The meaning of valentine has been phased out. We Ŋ☺ longer view that lovely day that is meant †̥☺ show love †̥☺ people the same. We now  it as a day meant for strictly fornicating for some people, girls look forward †̥☺ the gifts, the proposals that is if there will be any.

Am not a party pooper but I just wanna burst some bubbles. I have seen so many hype on social medias, jokes have been made concerning it, bc’s have been sent and statuses have been updated. What is really valentine, if the real deal behind valentine was still around how do you think St Valentine will celebrate it.

Can people spend the money (used †̥☺ buy exorbitant gifts that will grant them access into the wet heaven) for charity. There are some very nice charities and NGO’s out there that need support. There is at least a motherless babies home in your state, the church is there, there is a widow on your street who has tons of kids †̥☺ support, there is a brilliant boy who carries your waste basket out and you know he deserves †̥☺ be in school, there is a girl begging for money for an operation, you have tons of staff who have families that depend on them, your mother in the village, the road in your community, the beggars on the street, there is a war in mali, there are some flood victims who are still picking up their lives with little or Ŋ☺ money. The list goes on and on.

Be someone’s boo on the 14th, don’t spend it on a quest †̥☺ the wet heaven.

WHY ARE SOME MEN SUCH MORONS

Published January 23, 2013 by mandi2ude

Yaaaay, 2013!!!!! Am really sorry that I haven’t been updating my blog †̥☺ rant about anything and everything but get ready people. If you are on my contact list you will remember me writing about my system upgrade some days before new year and truly that system upgrade is complete.
Recently I have been doing a lot of surfing,reading and thinking. My newest idol Toke Makinwa has inspired me a lot and she inspired this write up. You all should know fair,petite,classy,gorge and outspoken toke. She talked a lot about traditional dating and I dare say she is right on so many levels.
I detest the modern day relationship, you meet a cute guy and you guys get talking and you are really feeling him on every level, you are literally planning your next date in your head and waiting for him †̥☺ ask for your number, he does ask you but not for your number, he asks for your pin!!!! WTf!!! The moment you give him your pin, you have done half of the work for him, he pings you in the morning and this is how your convo goes.

PING!!!!!!
Good morning babe.
Are you there?
How was your nyt?
What’s up?

That’s how the average relationship in Nigeria goes, pings, more pings and more pings. Some even go as far as pinging so many times.

PING!!!
PING!!!
PING!!!
Are u dia?
Y are u not replying?
Babe, reply na!
Am waiting oo,
Are u snubbing me?
PING!!!
PING!!!
You are rude
What do you take your self for?

Some will just ping and go

PING!!!
Sup?
??
Morning
You don’t want †̥☺ talk abi?
Have a nice day.

They don’t wanna know if your phone was close by, guys, news flash, our lives don’t revolve around bbm.
Whatever happened †̥☺ the traditional phone calls, text messages? Call me old fashioned but I prefer my man calling me †̥☺ tell me how his day went, ask after mine and know my plans for the next day, I prefer him sending me a text at night †̥☺ tell me that he missed me, †̥☺ tell me that he loves me and how he wished he could be with me then. I would even been blown away if he writes me a letter, An ex of mine did write me a love letter once, a scented pink paper with cute red lips on it, he wrote in his own handwriting and signed off at the end, it’s the most romantic gift I have ever received and I still have that letter tucked away in my archive.

Call me old fashioned and you might not be far from the truth. I believe am not speaking only for myself when I say the bbm relationship is nothing †̥☺ write home about, a relationship will last more if it’s not founded and worked on bbm. There is nothing wrong in picking up your phone †̥☺ call that girl that makes your heart beat and talk †̥☺ her for some mins. It’s not a waste of time, it’s good old loving. So call a girl today.

BLOKE WORDS OF WISDOM, OMENA SPEAKS.

Published December 16, 2012 by mandi2ude

OMENA DANIELS can be called many names, metropolitan dude, outspoken, classy et al. But one name that sticks to him is BLOKE. He took to his bbm updates some days ago and he wrote 5 bloke words of wisdom and I went gaga cos he made a lot of sense and they apply to our everyday life decisions I decided to share it with you guys. He wrote em in a bloke..ish way but I will translate it in my typical Amanda way. FYI, OMENA is the editor of Bloke Magazine. It’s his brainchild.
Listen up ladies cos this is where it get complicated. J’adore.(Pardon my french).

5 Bloke Words Of Wisdom.

1. NEVER ASSUME, UNTIL A BLOKE ASKS DIRECTLY,ADDRESSES YOU AS HIS WOMAN,OR INTRODUCES YOU TO HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY AS HIS GIRLFRIEND,YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND.

Gbam!!! I support this one, assumption is the mother of all failures. How many times have a relationship ended sourly and when you meet one party especially the girl and ask her, she tells you that she assumed that they were dating. Girls, never assume, if you guys are sexting and talking about hooking up or going on dates ask him the question. Don’t get involved with a guy who hasn’t asked you in clear words that he wants you to be his girlfriend. It’s better he calls you old fashioned than you enter into a relationship which you are not sure of. You may be a sleeping buddy for all you know and you are claiming GF. Always watch for the way he introduces you to family and friends. If he introduces you as sweetheart, honey or whatever doesn’t cut it. If he is taking you out for the first time, wait for him to introduce you as his girlfriend. If he doesn’t , loose his number.

2. BLOKES ARE NOT AS CRAFTY AS YOUR GIRLFRIENDS WILL HAVE YOU BELIEVE. SEX IS LIKE CROSSING A FRONTIER, HE EITHER BONDS WITH YOU OR LOOSES HIS ATTRACTION ALTOGETHER.

Yep, I love this part. The S-E-X. It has been a topic of controversy for as long as I can remember. How many times have you heard, lemme have sex with him else he might look someplace else. When you are dating a guy, don’t be so eager to have sex with him. I think it equals waiting for sharwarma to be ready and after 30 mins they wrap it up for you and then you are even tired of eating it you just take it home. SEX is a big deal for most guys and in some cases when they have sex with a girl they have been after for a while they loose the attraction they have for her but in some cases, you bond with the guy, you guys become siamese twins and it works well for you two. The key word here is “Ready” are you ready to have sex? Mentally?physically?emotionally? These are questions you should ask yourself before you guys burn the sheets. So when you have sex with a guy and he pings less, calls less and txts less, sweetie, he is just not that into you.

3. FORGET ALL THEM BLOKES PROFESSING LOVE TO YOU WHILST ASKING YOU OUT, IT’S INFATUATION. A BLOKE ONLY GIVES OUT HIS HEART WHEN HE IS TRULY SURE THAT HE HAS YOURS.

Perfect case scenario, you add a new guy on bbm and before you chat twice he is claiming undying love for you. He probably saw your pics and he wants to get into the honey pot. The heart never lies, you can lie to a thousand friends but you can’t lie to your heart. When you are in sync with a person, your heart will let you know. Guys can never give out their hearts to a girl unless they are in perfect sync. If a guy claims that he loves you without seeing you, sweetie he is infatuated, when he sees you, stays with you for a while and can confidently repeat his love statement then you will know that he truly loves you, but apart from that, you just snagged another warm body.

4. WHILE TALKING ABOUT A PROBLEM MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, A BLOKE WILL ONLY TALK ABOUT AN ISSUE AFTER INTERNALIZING. YOUR ABILITY TO STAY SILENT BESIDe HIM MAKES YOU A BETTER PARTNER.

Space-Nag-space. It’s different for girls and boys. When we are in trouble, we try to talk it out with our boo, he asks you the problem and even if you don’t wanna talk about it, he coaxes you till you spill. It’s not the same for guys. When they have problems, they carefully vet and vet and still vet then the choose the smaller problems to tell you. They don’t wanna get you worried for reasons best known to them. They process these problems. Maybe they think we are fragile. News flash blokes. When you ask your boo what’s up with him and he tells you it’s nothing he can’t handle just give him the speech of sharing his problems with you, if he refuses ask two more times then let him be. It’s polite. Don’t over nag a guy and make him shout on you. He will open up later. Yeah I know. Am cool like that. It works like a trick. He will appreciate your concern but please let him be a man about it.

5. IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, A BLOKE WILL STILL LOVE YOU AND CHEAT ON YOU, BECAUSE LOVE AND SEX ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS TO A MAN. FOR A GOOD BLOKE THE DECISION TO BE FAITHFUL IS MADE INSPITE OF WHO HE IS WITH

I don’t like this one so much, but these are Omena’s words not mine so am going along with him just for today. Love and sex. They go hand in hand. Sex is physical, love is emotional. You can’t keep em two apart. Most guys cheat on their babes with other warm bodies and they still claim love for their girlfriends. Cheating is a choice not an option. You can choose not to be promiscuous. Even though omena thinks so, my opinion is if a guy cheats on you with a whora and still claims love for you, babe, match on. You can never go far with a two timing douche bag. He can stay with his new warm body. If you really love your gf please stay with her, no gain in running about. The only result is HIV and staph.

And that’s how Mandy sees it. In my own warped way.