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All posts for the month February, 2013

BAD SEX

Published February 21, 2013 by mandi2ude

According †̥☺ Amanda’s Advanced Dictionary, Good Sex is that toe curling, satisfying smile/laughter a man or a woman feels after a good bout of good loving.

I know, I know, most of y’all are wondering what this madt girl wants †̥☺ say. ˚☺k°.. Wait for it… Wait for it…. Wait for it…. BAD SEX! BAD SEX!! BAD SEX!!! It’s not bazaar sales people. Bad sex has been the ultimate deal breaker since the dawn of light. It has ruined so many marriages, relationships and friendships. The only thing worse than a bad wife/ husband is bad sex.

How many times have you heard ‘ I broke up with him/her cos she/he is bad in bed. You think it’s a joke. You don’t know marriages have crashed over this. Sex is serious business, it’s like studying for SAT’s, Degrees, Doctorates and all. You gotta study your partner and know what works with them.

You start from the kissing and work your way down, a man who chews your lips like it’s kpomo will definitely be bad in bed. Come on, it’s my lips and yet you chew it like you haven’t eaten in days.

Some men misplace Hickie as love making, they feel that the more they chew and bite the more you scream and the more their egos inflate. Here is the deal, sexual compatibility, study your partner carefully and find out if bondage and torture sex works for her, that’s the only way you can get away with hickie.

Most girls want the vanilla sex, everything thrown in together. They want a man and a porn star at the same time. One minute you are all manly dishing out directions and the next minute you are whispering sweet nonsense into her ears. That’s the deal yo.

When there is Ŋ☺ foreplay and you just mount her like you mount a stallion and you expect an oscar award for the world’s best lover*smh*. Foreplay is like preparing for an exam, you study every line, read in between the line, peruse the chapters and start intensive study, sex is the exam that lasts for an hour-2 while the foreplay lasted days.

When a man/woman isn’t at the peak of their game, once they can’t satisfy their partner intensively, then the aim has been defeated. So like I say, if he isn’t good then he isn’t worth keeping cos seriously, Ŋ☺ matter how much you like a guy if he isn’t good there then you really don’t have anything †̥☺ look forward †̥☺ .
SAVE A LIFE TODAY. HAVE GOOD SEX*WINKS*

What Else, Locked Down Tight Yo!!

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Side Chic

Published February 21, 2013 by mandi2ude

Am sorry am posting this after valentine, but Ŋ☺ worries. That valentine was just a week today won’t deter me from posting this new eye opener. Everyday is valentine if you are in a relationship, there is still the occasional sex, gifts, calls, texts and vacays. No one should stay in a bad relationship, it’s just like bad sex. You have †̥☺ do away with any guy that isn’t in love with you or any guy you have bad sex with, quote me anywhere, you don’t wanna be having bad sex for the rest of your life.
So most chics are side kicks and they don’t even know it, you haven’t noticed it and you prolly don’t know but why will you have a friend like me and I won’t tell you how †̥☺ spot the signs that tells you as a side chic. Well, get a pad and pen. Let’s go.

Signs That You Are A Side Chic.
Labeling: babes, Men love labeling their stuff, they guard their territory jealously, they brand all their cars, clothes and even their women. Hi; these is Amanda, My “girlfriend” not hi, these is Amanda. Amanda what? Amanda your sister? Your cousin? Your bed mate? When your boyfriend goes out with you and he doesn’t label you a girlfriend or whatever you are †̥☺ him, sweetie you don’t need sango †̥☺ tell you that it’s been.

Weekend Trips: so we know that our men like †̥☺ work so that they can provide the essentials for us, we need new weaves, new shoes, clothes, vacays and the works but you will be damned if he works weekends too. You call him monday †̥☺ friday morning and by friday evening his phone is conveniently off, he doesn’t call back till sunday night or early monday morning, sweetie, side chic na your name. He is obviously frolicking with number one babe while you wait and kill yourself for him. And only conclude when this has occurred more than thrice. It’s not a coincidence.

Night Muttering: We all love †̥☺ call our men at night, you know catch up and know how their day went and also let them into ours. You call your man by 11pm when you feel he is settled and all, you dial his number and it rings all 3 times and he doesn’t pick and on the fourth ring, he picks and mutters, lemme call you back. He drops almost immediately, he does that almost every night you call him but he is very loud in the mornings when you call him. If you notice this then I suggest you leave the guy in question cos he is obviously at home with the main babe and your calls are disturbing him.

Forming seriousness: we all like †̥☺ have that talk with our men especially if the relationship is heading leaning 1yr, some months and so on, you both are seated on the couch and you are resting your leg on his laps while he rubs it, and you feel the atmosphere is conducive enough then you raise the question. Babe, what are we doing, where is this relationship headed, what are your short term goals and all. You know those kind of questions that you ask and you want him †̥☺ reassure you that you are on the right track. All of a sudden he starts forming busy, he becomes agitated, he feels trapped, he throws your leg apart and scratches his head or look at you like he is seeing you for the first time. Sweetie, you are a side chic.

I am really sorry if you have noticed any of these signs but incase there are more that I didn’t mention hit me up @ cremedelacremee@yahoo.com

What Else, Locked Down Tight Yo!!

The Tale Of An Uyo Virgin.

Published February 18, 2013 by mandi2ude

I traveled recently †̥☺ a land of soups, you are still not catching my drift! The land of promise! Godswill Akpabio! ˚☺k°, now you know. I traveled †̥☺ Uyo †̥☺ visit my friends and I must say it was a blast.

I left makurdi on a wednesday and †̥☺ my utmost surprise benue links Makurdi have just one bus that plys the Makurdi †̥☺ Uyo route and I was told †̥☺ come the next day but I couldn’t postpone my journey so I decided †̥☺ catch a bus †̥☺ enugu and then connect †̥☺ uyo. It was a long journey tho cos I spent 10 hours sitting down*phew* Ŋ☺ wonder my ass is flatter (crying), well I left makurdi and got †̥☺ enugu by 4pm, got a bus †̥☺ uyo and landed there by 11pm.

I was so hungry I could eat a cow, I didn’t even know where I was going †̥☺ , I could get lost, I was a strange land and my phones were almost off, my dad always warned me bout my nonchalant attitude. I passed obot akara, mind the t cos it’s silent, I hit ikot ekpene but they indigenes pronounce it as ikorekpene, my next stop was uyo, yaay. I was dropped off at the aktc park and I called my friend and she told me †̥☺ pick a cab and come †̥☺ somewhere that sounded like Wine Bar, actually it’s Nwaniba. I was surprised, how can she be living in a wine bar, I hailed a cab man and the first tin he asked me is ‘Abadie’ I stared at him for some seconds cos I didn’t understand a thing.

I told him where I was headed and he smiled and told me my charge, I gladly entered the cab and my journey †̥☺ wine bar(Nwaniba) started. The roads are tarred, street lights everywhere, the streets are so alive with human beings, meat sellers and their goods of roasted chicken and ripe plantain and sauce, keke napeps on the roads and other commercial vehicles. I got †̥☺ my destination in one piece and my friend came out †̥☺ get me.

As a JJC, I looked around in awe cos it was an experience. I love the water fountain that kept pumping water in different shades. The next day being thursday, I was taken †̥☺ a place called tropicana were I watched a movie at an amazing rate of 250 Naira, jeez, where does that happen? Only in Uyo I tell you, I watched the new romantic Comedy flower girl and after which my girlfriend who was celebrating her passing out took me †̥☺ Amazon restaurant and there I encountered night life at it’s fullest, men were seated with the wives and kids and they were celebrating valentine as a family, I think uyo men are huge romantics, don’t ask me how I know tho. We hopped †̥☺ kastruphid from there and we really had a blast. On friday I was all done up and we hit the clubs †̥☺ celebrate hard style, Monty suites is incredible and the club is the ish, I literally danced my shoe sole off. Literally.

On a sunday we visited a fast food place called Sammie’s and I had a hard choice of choosing which soup †̥☺ eat, there was Afang Soup, Edikaikong, Atama Soup, Fisherman Soup, White Soup, ekpankuko. I settled for edika cos it had the most road blocks and It looked delish and after which I watched another movie named English Vinglish. I was loving every bit of it, we hit kastruphid again and we had fun. I passed places like Oron Road, Ewet housing, Housing, Plaza, Central stores, powercity church.

Monday was my last day in uyo and I really wanted †̥☺ sample the local cuisine again so I was taken †̥☺ a place called Mama Put and there I had everything local, FYI ‘Abadie’ means how are you and your reply should be ‘Edeokong’. Which means am fine (I hope I nailed it) if I didn’t pls disregard. Suffice †̥☺ say Uyo is the place †̥☺ be and I had fun cos of the friends that I have and †̥☺ that I say Chidera Olivia Orji and Ezinne Chukwu, thanks for making it worthwhile. I love you guys scarrer and †̥☺ bits. They made uyo a place †̥☺ visit. Look forward †̥☺ visiting the place.

Valentine: A Trip To Wet Heaven

Published February 8, 2013 by mandi2ude

Yaaaay, season of love, I love this season because I love †̥☺ love. It’s a season most girls dream of having it made, when most chics look forward †̥☺ enriching themselves physically, emotionally and financially, they look forward †̥☺ exotic meals, surprises, trips and what have you. And in a case were you don’t do it there is trouble. Guys a piece of advice †̥☺ you all, if you can’t afford †̥☺ buy a girl something on that day then Ŋ☺ one will hold you accountable. If a girl breaks up with you on that day then rejoice my brada, God has just saved you and most especially they believe that this is the season where they find out if they are their boos boo or if their le boo is someone else’s le boo. Side chic or not am rooting for all of ya.

The guys are not left out too, they believe that they are gonna hit some free booty on that day and believe it or not check if they are also their babe’s le boo. What am I saying? The meaning of valentine has been phased out. We Ŋ☺ longer view that lovely day that is meant †̥☺ show love †̥☺ people the same. We now  it as a day meant for strictly fornicating for some people, girls look forward †̥☺ the gifts, the proposals that is if there will be any.

Am not a party pooper but I just wanna burst some bubbles. I have seen so many hype on social medias, jokes have been made concerning it, bc’s have been sent and statuses have been updated. What is really valentine, if the real deal behind valentine was still around how do you think St Valentine will celebrate it.

Can people spend the money (used †̥☺ buy exorbitant gifts that will grant them access into the wet heaven) for charity. There are some very nice charities and NGO’s out there that need support. There is at least a motherless babies home in your state, the church is there, there is a widow on your street who has tons of kids †̥☺ support, there is a brilliant boy who carries your waste basket out and you know he deserves †̥☺ be in school, there is a girl begging for money for an operation, you have tons of staff who have families that depend on them, your mother in the village, the road in your community, the beggars on the street, there is a war in mali, there are some flood victims who are still picking up their lives with little or Ŋ☺ money. The list goes on and on.

Be someone’s boo on the 14th, don’t spend it on a quest †̥☺ the wet heaven.