All posts for the month June, 2012

Salons and Gossip!!( A Perfect Combo)

Published June 25, 2012 by mandi2ude

What do Salons and Eating Houses have in common? Any body, any answer? Let’s cut to the chase. What they have in common is GOSSIP!!!!!!
You are sure to get the sleaziest, dirtiest and juiciest gossip in these spots mentioned above. But the salon gossip out ranks the eating house gossip. No gender should be left out in these crime, though I think the male hairstylists and the female waitresses are the highest offenders. Gossip! no matter how you keep yourself away from it, it keeps chasing you. Even when you don’t wanna hear that little information, you some how hear it.
There was these salon I used to visit as a lil kid back in the days though, the aunty there makes the worst hairstyles ever, but her salon is always filled to the brim because she works with both her hands and mouth, if you wanna get the gist of whose hubby is cheating, wives that were disgraced,poor people who are forming rich, then her salon is your best choice.
Has a male hair stylist ever been attending to you in a salon and another girl walks in, you just snort at her and continue with what you are doing? If yes, the next question will come from the hairstylist, what did she do to you and you tell him; nothing, I don’t just like the girl, he will laugh and tell you that you are not the only one who doesn’t like her, that 3 other girls who have visited the salon too, don’t like her. He now launches into a conversation, and in these conversation he will tell you her life history, were she lives, how many boys she has dated and woe betide the girl if she is easier to get into than a community college, he will add so much spice to the gist and you feel comfy with him to the extent that you start dropping infos about the girl, while he collects this info in his sd card and uses them for another girl.
One thing that baffles me is how they hear all their gists, because in the long run they are more current than you are, they have everybody’s data in their head. If you were or still are a student of UNN you would know that I am being honest. I think the worst hairstylist gossips are two guys that I know, they run a salon and they have so many female patrons ( no think am, I no call anybody name sha, so if you think of them, you are on your own per second billing) and their salon is always filled to capacity, maybe not because of their styling prowess but because you get the hottest gist whenever you are there, you hear practically everybody’s dirty secret, you just have to know which buttons to press and their mouths start running like that of a town crier.
It’s just appalling that every body’s gist is in a salon, one day I went to a salon and two girls and the male hairstylist were busy discussing a very good friend of mine, what got me angry was not the discussion but the fact that he has spent up to an hour fixing a side pattern darling yaki weavon, I kept silent and when the girl left I sat down for him to fix mine for me and he launched into another discussion about the girl he was just gossiping with, he told me that he will stop fixing her hair and when I asked him why; he said because he likes fixing human hair and not darling yaki and that she should buy one cos he wonders what she does with all the money she gets from her business in precious stones….. I wish she was still around to hear what her gossip buddy just said about her.
But the salon is a fun place to be, apart from dolling up, you get exclusive gist. For your ears only. Be careful what you say in a salon cos your story may air next, you don’t know who knows your own secret. Fix your hair and GTH out of there.
And that’s how Mandy sees it.*WINKS*


Signs That Makes You think That He Wanna Marry You.

Published June 24, 2012 by mandi2ude

I was discussing with a girl recently and she told me something that had me rolling on the floor from laughter. When I heard what she had to say, I was like Babe; how stupid can you be?
And it led me to write again and I thought of a title and what came into my mind is Signs that makes you think he wanna marry you. Yon know how we girls keep going on and on about husband scarcity in Nigeria, well you just need to be a guy and treat a girl well, show her respect and courtesy and she is already planning your wedding in her head. This time she might go for a Castle in Spain. Well these signs are Mumu facts, when a girl starts noticing them, she thinks you have already visited the jewelry store and you are about to propose.( FOR DUMB GIRLS SHA)

He gave me the key to the house: Honey he has to give you the key, how are you supposed to rush home and make him Egusi soup before he comes back from work.

He took me to their end of the year party : Well you are obviously the most presentable chic in his harem, he needs to represent.

He took me home for his grand-mother’s burial: because you are a desperado and what else smells good like a girl who is willing to work just so that the guy will notice her?

I have met his sisters and his mother: Sweetie, they don’t have any choice, his is their brother and son, do you know how many girls he has taken home
His friends call me “our wife”: babe, are you dumb as well as stupid? Of course you are the wife, you are performing all your duties before marriage, it makes you a wife.

He let’s me go through his msg’s: yeah rite, after sanitation he gives you the phone and you happily read and serzli, if there is no message to make you raise your eyebrow that means he is gay and you are his gay beard.

And these is the most hillarious one;

He has stopped using condoms on me: one answer, you are next in line for H.I.V, just because your bf has stopped using condoms on you, you think he wants to propose to you, that’s stupid and insane. It doesn’t mean anything, there is just scarcity of gold circle and he probably didn’t see his size.

Girls read meanings into every lil gesture that a man makes, these signs listed above may or may not favor you, just because all of them has happened doesn’t mean that tom is ready to get married and you loose yourself in that process, all for that ring and a white gown. It’s a beautiful thing, but you have to go about it the right way. When a man wants to marry you, he will ask and you will know. You don’t need some dumb set of rules to determine it.

And that is how Mandy Sees IT.*Winks*

University Days( Your First Husband)

Published June 23, 2012 by mandi2ude

I think it’s safe for me to say that every girl who went to the university is marrying for the second time after her university days. Why you say? I will tell you why.
Back in the days as a student (and yes I know it was just last year, and so) in the famous university of Nigeria nsukka, I remember girls treating their boyfriends like husbands and if you say you are not guilty of these, please be my guest and cast the first stone, anyone? I knew it, no one can deny it. It normally starts with him hitting on you or vice versa and you agreeing to it or vice versa, then it starts, it begins to grow;there are date nights, he comes to your hostel and while he is coming he stops by 11:45 or coca-cola villa, frenzy or Mr Biggs to get you something to eat. Whenever he comes to your room, your roomates call him Ogoo(in-law).
You start tripping, you meet his friends and you spend the first night!!!!!! He has caged you and that is the beginning of your housewife duties, some girls will say it’s a lie, no boy can do that to me, you are not married to me, I can’t be any boy’s slave.#na wash# they were all wives and all those crying more than the bereaved are the guilty ones. You start going to his house on weekends to sleep over and before you know it, you are already at Ogige market buying tomato and pepper for sunday stew which his hungry friends will come and consume. After cooking, some girls even wash clothes, tidy the house and wear his T-shirt while the boy is roaming around his lodge. On monday , you go back to your hostel. These routine continues throughout the school calendar.
Sometimes you might go with a tooth brush and clothe, you leave them there and come back with more and before you know it, girl you are already living with him, you are now are full time school/room wife. it goes on and on, you even blush when his friends call you “our wife” because they want you to cook another pot of rice and they feel that these form of endearment will make you cook it quickly. In the long run, you feel that you have found your place. The fairy tale goes on till you break up with him and then you are like… Men I jones sha.
And that is how Mandy sees it.*Winks*

The Lies Girls Tell

Published June 23, 2012 by mandi2ude

Some girls are pathological liars, they can lie!! I wouldn’t write about these on a normal day but the lies we girls tell have prompted me to locate my WordPress and put this lies into writing.
Girls tell you different things, maybe just to show off or feel like if they are on top of their games. If you have as many girlfriends like I do, you will understand these common lies. They tell you how they control their boy friends which is a bleddy lie. They will go on and on about what he bought them meanwhile they bought it for themselves. They one that have me going off is the forming. We girls can like to form, ah ah. You are dating a guy and you feel its ok for you to form, I think if it were possible for some girls to go without excreating in their boy friends house, they will do it.
You blow pidgin with your girlfriends and when you see your boyfriend you become an english teacher, you begin to speak through your nose, you eat only garri at home and when you come to his house, you will be like baby, let’s get sharwama.*WTH Bitch, you are tripping, in her house, they don’t have kerosene stove and when you come to his house, you see a stove and you are like awwww baby, I can’t work with these stove, it will give me eye bags. Smelly lie and yes some girls still lie with that. And the one that makes me go crazy is if I know that you are the outgoing type, but when you see your BF, you become mute maybe you should be a mannequin. That way you will be used for clothe display.
I just think that we should be honest to ourselves, the man you are lieing and forming for sees you when you are at your weakest point and your peak. The lies are unnecessary and there is no need for it. But it kinda makes things a lil bit fun, until you are caught.
And that is how Mandy sees it.*Winks*


Published June 2, 2012 by mandi2ude

*Listening to the last chorus of Banky W’s ‘Lagos Party’ as it begins to fade out*
Lasgidi. Eko. Gidis. The big apple. All these names are synonymous with this city in the west. A city where people don’t sleep: a city that houses most of the celebrities in Nigeria, a city where people think their dreams can come true.
When I was growing up, I even heard that the city doesn’t have a ‘welcome’ signpost. The only one that exists doesn’t read WELCOME TO LAGOS; rather it reads THIS IS LAGOS. If you ask me, they should have added ‘you are truly on your own’. Irrespective of the harsh conditions of life for some people it doesn’t deter graduates and those seeking better life and greener pastures from re-locating to this city. There’s a myth surrounding it that all your dreams come true in Lagos. You can also compare it with New York; listen to Empire State of Mind by Alicia Keys and Jigga Banks (Jay Z) if you need more insight on New York.
I was a Lagos virgin up until March this year *eyes rolling* (sue me); and I must say that it was a very exciting experience. I got a confirmation letter to attend the auditions for big brother Africa Star Game along with many other Nigerians and I almost went berserk. I read the email and my eyes went to the venue and it read Protea Hotel, Maryland Lagos.
It hit me for the first time that I had to make a trip to Lagos, a city that I’ve never visited. It’s said that first timers are picked out because they stick out like a sore thumb. So, while I got ready for my trip, I was still filled with apprehension; I was nervous and anxious to see this city of dreams. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling that way, but after thinking, I came to a conclusion – I AM GOING TO LAGOS. I called my sisters and I told them about it, they were very supportive and they sent me their address located somewhere around Festac Town. I consulted with friends and they were psyched. A day before my departure I was summoned by them for induction and advice on behavioral pattern, so I won’t ‘fall mugu’ as a JJC.
My friend Didi told me that my first stop will be Ojota, and that I should hold on to my bag and not talk to strangers. I should stand and wait for a bus with the conductor shouting at the top of his voice Cele/Mile 2! Cele /Mile 2!! And her instruction manual came with detailed visuals because she showed me how they will call and all, and also she told me that I should not pay more than a hundred a fifty naira (150), and if he insists that I should pay more than that, I should decline: and to show my seriousness make ‘I rake am well well’, ‘make I ginger like say I wan slap am; den him go sorji say I no be jjc’. It didn’t end there, Doris my other friend told me that when I hear them saying Mile 2, Mile 2 that I should say ‘OWA!’, that if I don’t say it, I definitely will find myself at the last bus-stop. When I alight, I should board another bus with the bus conductor screaming Agboju/Alakija and that I should board and tell the conductor I’ll dropping off at Maza-Maza. Then I should pick a bike and tell the bike man where I was going to. I thanked them and said to myself that I’ll be there within the blink of an eye.
The next day as early as 3am, I got up, took my bath and headed for Ifesinachi Transport where I boarded the third bus going to Lagos, it was not an easy journey. Halfway into the journey, I was already tired, my bum hurt from sitting, I was getting restless, infact, my whole body was hurting. I cursed in my mind and I felt like crying. I fell asleep out of exhaustion; I woke up some hours later and asked where we were, and was told we were on Lagos/Ibadan expressway. I asked how long until Lagos? My fellow passenger said very soon. Time passed by until… Lagos finally.
There at Ojota, I waited just like my friends had told me and I stood there for some minutes. Lagos conductors are very funny, they have this mastered gait and the way they talk is very funny too. They talk through their nose which makes it hard for JJC’s like me to pick out the right direction. Buses came by and left, I couldn’t make out what the conductors were saying. Their words so slurred and rushed and they, as usual, enjoy shouting so much.
It seems like a fellow commuter who was standing nearby took pity on me and asked where I was going. I told him and he laughed and he said that all the buses that have passed were all heading my way. So, into the next bus I hauled my tired self. The conductor asked and I told him Mile 2, and he said 200 naira. I was shocked and remembered my friend’s advice; I wanted to scream but didn’t want to embarrass myself. So I just took out a crispy 200 naira note out of my wallet and handed it to him, and sat still. When we had driven for a long while I asked if we’d gotten to Mile 2 yet. He said no, but would tell you when we do. I was so relieved.
Finally, we got to Mile 2 and I was astonished by the number of cars on the road. I felt like it was another country. Into another bus I jumped and finally found myself at Maza-Maza. Then the long bike ride which took me straight to my sisters’ doorstep. I got in, took a cold bath and slept till the next morning. *smiling*. Yes it was that bad.
This is like a manual to every Lagos virgin which I once was, keep the faith and hold your head up while you walk.
And that is how Mandy sees it.*winks*


Published June 1, 2012 by mandi2ude

The president of our inestimable country has a penchant for doing great things, mostly not at the right times. On the first day of this year, 2012, what we awoke to was the sudden removal of fuel subsidy, which plunged the nation into a huge crisis. Some of my friends had to relocate back to the village because the cost of travelling back to Eko from the east was the same as a flight ticket to the USA.*well, just saying*. We faced perilous times as concerned Nigerians were busy occupying the streets. How ironic it was, believe me ‘cause I was officially stuck at home but desperate to see the whole pandemonium come to an end.

Many Nigerians used this avenue to do different things. For example, a fore runner in the occupy Nigeria business is a burnt out musician who used the medium to free himself from the mountain of pressure that he’s been getting from his contemporaries to say that he won’t release any song until Nigeria becomes better: that is like waiting until hell freezes over.

Back to business: as I said earlier, GEJ has a penchant for not-getting-it-right. This time, he decides to take it a notch higher; letting us know that he’s a true Nigerian by renaming the inestimable University of Lagos to Moshood Abiola University… Let’s stay silent for a while… okay cut!

Academicians, Alumni Members and Students have let up an uproar. They are so not in support of the name change and feel that it’s not suitable for a University like theirs.

But from my own POV, the name of a university does not make you the person that you are or the person that you will be. If you are doomed to make third class, you will, even if the name of your university is Kim Kardashian University. We have universities like Obafemi Awolowo University, Ahmadu Bello University, Michael Okpara University, all this universities are functioning and they produce graduates every year; truthfully, the name of your university does not stop you from graduating, going to service or working in Exon Mobil, Slumberger or chevron. We are just suffering from misplaced priorities and that is why students have taken to the streets to protest instead of letting the administration handle the matter, and they seem to even forget that there is limited time.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you should take whatever life shoves at you, but we have to be cautious with issues as this. Let our driving force be that which would bring about real change in the country and better the lives of every individual. What am I saying in essence, in every situation you find yourself be grateful to God because there are other kids who wish to answer worse names just to be in a university and make the best out of it. I will leave you with one parting word that is straight out of my own personal dictionary and I just made it up to suit the occasion. THE UNIVERSITY MAKETH NOT THE MAN, THE MAN MAKETH THYSELF.

So students riot for a day or two, lives and properties are lost, the school is shut down indefinitely and everyone is sent home. Bear in mind that some students cater for themselves. Finally, GEJ still doesn’t change the name, your voices have been heard but nothing has been done to quell your anger. What’s next?

AND that is how Mandy sees it. *WINKS*

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